Sunday, November 2, 2014
IT SOON WILL PASS
Am I scare to love again? I have loved and lost, and losing is the worst part of loving. I remember the butterflies in the stomach when you first meet, the shy glance, the anticipation of the first date, and the tingle you get from the first touch or kiss. Yes, I admit I would love to have to feelings back again, but getting on the ride again in this day in age is not easy. I asked my daughter, which is in her thirties and asked her what the dating world like for her. She proceeded to tell me what it was like; "mom it is not easy. The guys that either have gotten my attention or my theirs just want to see what they can get out of you financially and sexually. There is little time spent I am like, what makes me laugh or cry...you know...getting to know me. I hate it." I was astonished to find that a woman of my years was having the same issues as my daughter. What has happen to the dating world? Or the world in general? It has been told to me; to get over the other you must go on to the next. That is easier said than done. I sit here writing and listening to jazz that we once shared and smile. The memories come as quickly as the typed words on this page. I pause for a moment and linger to the lyrics that are sung, closing my eyes and remembering your eyes the outreach of your hand asking me to dance with you. I rise from my chair and dance with no one, just the sound of the music. I feel the cross breeze that fills the room along with the aroma of the lavender scented candle calming my spirit. I close my eyes again and imagine you. I smile remembering the few soft swaying dance moves we would make around the living room floor. Remembering your eyes closed as you took in the music that made you sway and move about. Watching your enjoy the music made me smile too. The dance nothing fancy, or nothing choreographed, but pleasantly enjoyed. I open my eyes to not find you there. For the first time in months I was not shedding tears. Have I gotten use to you gone, or is it that the remembrance of happy times doesn't warrant tears. If so, I am happy about this. True, I will never forget you and I don't want to. I just want to get on with my life and be apart of the living. When they closed the casket to you it is like they closed on me too. Well here I am scratching on the inside screaming...."let me out. I am not gone yet. It isn't my time yet." I want to date again. I want to hear new music. I want to dance till spent; look into the eyes of new eyes, and smile brightly knowing I am still here and very much alive. I want the opportunity to tell me daughter that soon it will pass and all will be fine. You will date and fall in love.