Saturday, November 15, 2014
"There is one thing to look in a mirror and see your image, but it is another to see yourself for who and what you really are...it's a whole another viewpoint."- Mozette From time to time it wouldn't be a bad idea to step back and look yourself all over again. Not the look of you, but the you that is deep inside. It is like looking a glass that is half full or half empty. Which is it? Do you still have happenings that you want to fulfill or are you content with yourself? Have you thought about this? I have. I am taking the time out, now that the last child has flown the nest...as he should, and started looking at myself with different eyes. Not the eyes of a daughter, sister, girl-friend, wife, or mother; just the eyes of ME. Sometimes life throws us curves we just didn't know would happen, but if we did; I wonder would we move out the way so we wouldn't be hit with them? They call it drama, I call it...LIFE. We didn't come here with a manuals on how it was going to be, but we do have choices; some good and some bad. It is what we decide to choose is how we find out the outcome. You can't live this life trying to be extra careful. You can be cautious, but overly careful; I truly think we wouldn't be living. You know like you tell you tell a child..."be careful walking across the street, or look both ways before crossing the street"...we as adults should use that "careful" lesson. That lesson is to keep you safe. It is like if you know that you can't swim, then fool don't go in the lake for a swim....simple as that. Knowing the simple rules of safety in life and been using them for a long while I am starting to re-evaluate my life and find that I have been to overly cautious and not have too much fun. I have followed all the guidelines of being a good daughter, I guess the same for sister... because dealing with your siblings can be trying, the golden rule of being a good wife, and being that "GOOD" mother. Now it is time for me. I didn't know how I was putting so much pressure on myself by trying to be in societies viewpoint....squash it. I am finding out...hope not too late...to being true to myself. "To thine own self be true"--Shakespeare. or Throw caution to the wind. Make a choice, take a pick, or both...I dare you. Either way...enjoy your life. Peace to you ALL! MOZETTE
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Am I scare to love again? I have loved and lost, and losing is the worst part of loving. I remember the butterflies in the stomach when you first meet, the shy glance, the anticipation of the first date, and the tingle you get from the first touch or kiss. Yes, I admit I would love to have to feelings back again, but getting on the ride again in this day in age is not easy. I asked my daughter, which is in her thirties and asked her what the dating world like for her. She proceeded to tell me what it was like; "mom it is not easy. The guys that either have gotten my attention or my theirs just want to see what they can get out of you financially and sexually. There is little time spent I am like, what makes me laugh or cry...you know...getting to know me. I hate it." I was astonished to find that a woman of my years was having the same issues as my daughter. What has happen to the dating world? Or the world in general? It has been told to me; to get over the other you must go on to the next. That is easier said than done. I sit here writing and listening to jazz that we once shared and smile. The memories come as quickly as the typed words on this page. I pause for a moment and linger to the lyrics that are sung, closing my eyes and remembering your eyes the outreach of your hand asking me to dance with you. I rise from my chair and dance with no one, just the sound of the music. I feel the cross breeze that fills the room along with the aroma of the lavender scented candle calming my spirit. I close my eyes again and imagine you. I smile remembering the few soft swaying dance moves we would make around the living room floor. Remembering your eyes closed as you took in the music that made you sway and move about. Watching your enjoy the music made me smile too. The dance nothing fancy, or nothing choreographed, but pleasantly enjoyed. I open my eyes to not find you there. For the first time in months I was not shedding tears. Have I gotten use to you gone, or is it that the remembrance of happy times doesn't warrant tears. If so, I am happy about this. True, I will never forget you and I don't want to. I just want to get on with my life and be apart of the living. When they closed the casket to you it is like they closed on me too. Well here I am scratching on the inside screaming...."let me out. I am not gone yet. It isn't my time yet." I want to date again. I want to hear new music. I want to dance till spent; look into the eyes of new eyes, and smile brightly knowing I am still here and very much alive. I want the opportunity to tell me daughter that soon it will pass and all will be fine. You will date and fall in love.