CITY IS WAITING FOR YOU

CITY IS WAITING FOR YOU
From here to there...to San Francisco

Saturday, November 15, 2014

RE-EVALUATION

"There is one thing to look in a mirror and see your image, but it is another to see yourself for who and what you really are...it's a whole another viewpoint."- Mozette From time to time it wouldn't be a bad idea to step back and look yourself all over again. Not the look of you, but the you that is deep inside. It is like looking a glass that is half full or half empty. Which is it? Do you still have happenings that you want to fulfill or are you content with yourself? Have you thought about this? I have. I am taking the time out, now that the last child has flown the nest...as he should, and started looking at myself with different eyes. Not the eyes of a daughter, sister, girl-friend, wife, or mother; just the eyes of ME. Sometimes life throws us curves we just didn't know would happen, but if we did; I wonder would we move out the way so we wouldn't be hit with them? They call it drama, I call it...LIFE. We didn't come here with a manuals on how it was going to be, but we do have choices; some good and some bad. It is what we decide to choose is how we find out the outcome. You can't live this life trying to be extra careful. You can be cautious, but overly careful; I truly think we wouldn't be living. You know like you tell you tell a child..."be careful walking across the street, or look both ways before crossing the street"...we as adults should use that "careful" lesson. That lesson is to keep you safe. It is like if you know that you can't swim, then fool don't go in the lake for a swim....simple as that. Knowing the simple rules of safety in life and been using them for a long while I am starting to re-evaluate my life and find that I have been to overly cautious and not have too much fun. I have followed all the guidelines of being a good daughter, I guess the same for sister... because dealing with your siblings can be trying, the golden rule of being a good wife, and being that "GOOD" mother. Now it is time for me. I didn't know how I was putting so much pressure on myself by trying to be in societies viewpoint....squash it. I am finding out...hope not too late...to being true to myself. "To thine own self be true"--Shakespeare. or Throw caution to the wind. Make a choice, take a pick, or both...I dare you. Either way...enjoy your life. Peace to you ALL! MOZETTE

Sunday, November 2, 2014

IT SOON WILL PASS

Am I scare to love again? I have loved and lost, and losing is the worst part of loving. I remember the butterflies in the stomach when you first meet, the shy glance, the anticipation of the first date, and the tingle you get from the first touch or kiss. Yes, I admit I would love to have to feelings back again, but getting on the ride again in this day in age is not easy. I asked my daughter, which is in her thirties and asked her what the dating world like for her. She proceeded to tell me what it was like; "mom it is not easy. The guys that either have gotten my attention or my theirs just want to see what they can get out of you financially and sexually. There is little time spent I am like, what makes me laugh or cry...you know...getting to know me. I hate it." I was astonished to find that a woman of my years was having the same issues as my daughter. What has happen to the dating world? Or the world in general? It has been told to me; to get over the other you must go on to the next. That is easier said than done. I sit here writing and listening to jazz that we once shared and smile. The memories come as quickly as the typed words on this page. I pause for a moment and linger to the lyrics that are sung, closing my eyes and remembering your eyes the outreach of your hand asking me to dance with you. I rise from my chair and dance with no one, just the sound of the music. I feel the cross breeze that fills the room along with the aroma of the lavender scented candle calming my spirit. I close my eyes again and imagine you. I smile remembering the few soft swaying dance moves we would make around the living room floor. Remembering your eyes closed as you took in the music that made you sway and move about. Watching your enjoy the music made me smile too. The dance nothing fancy, or nothing choreographed, but pleasantly enjoyed. I open my eyes to not find you there. For the first time in months I was not shedding tears. Have I gotten use to you gone, or is it that the remembrance of happy times doesn't warrant tears. If so, I am happy about this. True, I will never forget you and I don't want to. I just want to get on with my life and be apart of the living. When they closed the casket to you it is like they closed on me too. Well here I am scratching on the inside screaming...."let me out. I am not gone yet. It isn't my time yet." I want to date again. I want to hear new music. I want to dance till spent; look into the eyes of new eyes, and smile brightly knowing I am still here and very much alive. I want the opportunity to tell me daughter that soon it will pass and all will be fine. You will date and fall in love.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Sixth Sense

They can say what they say about me as a "dog", but, I can see I can hear I can feel I can sense I can smell, and I know you are here; even if you have left us from this earth.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

A Love Letter To You

You say that you are in love, for that I say, "I am happy that you have found it." Love comes in different ways and in many different times in your life. Embrace it, cherish it, and by all means love you more than you love the other. If you love the person, don't expect to change them when you don't like something about them. When you fell in love with them, they were what they were, so don't think over time something you don't like that you have to try to change them or they changing you. You might think about adjusting to them, but not changing them. And if that person loves you as well, then they would do the same for you. It is there soul and spirit you fell in love with. If it was the look of them or the built of them, then you fell in love with the flesh and my dear...that does change. What is left though is the same soul and spirit. So, do not look at the person; instead listen and hear the person and then decide that you are in love. Think of it as something you enjoyed as a child, but when you walked into adulthood you didn't like it anymore. You threw it away or got rid of it in some way or fashion. Love is not like that my dear. Love is not complex. Love is easy. It is the staying in love that is challenging. Be in love. Embrace it. Flourish with it, but by all means be in love with you as you are in someone else. For you can not love someone if you are not in love with yourself.

Friday, June 27, 2014

'Till Death Do Us Part

Why do they have the oath in the marriage vow; when it should be considered as well for anyone that is a friend with someone for a period of time? Today I saw my dear friend, lover, companion, confidant, but everything but wife for the last time today. It was so so-real that he laid there getting ready to be cremated. A dear one that lived for sixty-two years, but gone in seconds was pronounced dead on the scene this past Tuesday. We were together till death do us part. As he laid there being prepared for cremation; I looked upon his closed eyed face and remember the man he was; not the man I saw today. Lifeless, still, and not uttering a word. That was not him. This man that I knew, loved, gave to others freely, spoke kind and unkind words (when necessary), ate good food, drank good wine, but in years to past became ill. Kidney disease he was diagnosed with, but his death was by the hand of a cardiac arrest. I couldn't hear a word, but in my heart I could feel and hear him. He laid still, but in my mind he was in movement. His eyes closed, but his eyes were quite open when he knew he was very ill. Do I miss this person? Dearly, yes. I am secure in the thought that he was not alone, for he as with my dog that loved him unconditionally as we humans have an issue with. Do I hate is gone? Dearly, I do. Those are the words we did not share together, but in spirit we were married.....Till death do us part. Do I wish him here again? Truly, I do. Even though it is not our call when we return back to the father; I think of what this man that lay here so still..what was his role in this life. My daughter said it best, "Mom, he was here to take care of you and my younger brother till you could do better for yourself again." I will take that and hold fast to think possibly that is so. We part by death in the physical, but my dear Steven we are not apart by the spirit. I know you are near, I know that you will look after us that loved you, but especially me, for you always said, "No one can make me stop loving you but myself. I love you always." I read the words I just wrote and now and forever will love you. Till death do us part. R.I.P. Steven You will be missed.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

On My Own Again And Loving It

It has been a long time coming; but it has arrived...I am home and on my own again, but differently for it is just me. Kids are grown and the youngest living in his dorm on his campus awaiting him to come home for I visit. I sit in my loving belated father's chair and look about my space in this time and thankful that I lived to see it. Pictures on the wall to have the little touches, books in their place, music playing in the background, and listening to my four-legged baby coming down the stairs and feeling at home as the large clock on the wall click another second away. It took time and patience to get here, but I am blessed and happy that I am here. It is mine. My rent, concern, structure, space, cleanliness, noise, and quiet; but most of all PEACE. I have walked the neighborhood with my four-legged baby and we feel new. People ask, "are you the new neighbor?" and I reply, "yes!" They smile and make polite compliments as we walk on. People from all walks of life, income, and even mannerism, but it is now my new neighborhood. I see the police roam through and I don't fine it questionable, but I feel safe. Even if they didn't drive through..I feel safe. No one seems to bother anyone and those that have been here longer than I our friends. I am not concern about being friends, but it seems that they look out for one another...that is fine with me. My four-legged baby walks and gets petted by the children and commented by all, "cute dog! Do you walk him a lot?" I reply, "Yes, for it is good for him and me." We continue to walk. Returning home, wiping my feet on the mat that I took the time to shop for that says, "WELCOME" and placing the key in the lock of the door, turning the handle and stepping in to home...I feel welcomed. On my own again and loving it.