Monday, July 29, 2013
They called it, “The Empty Nest Syndrome.” I guess it would be true for me. Besides my youngest son getting ready to graduate from high school and based on the conversations, the applications processed and paid for, and even visits to schools; I gather I am going to have to get ready for him to be off to college and leave the nest called, “HOME.” It is the right of passage of a young man becoming a man. He going to test his wings and fly from the mother bird....ME! I knew it was going to happen one day: I just didn't think it would come so fast. I can still remember the day he was born. Even the scent of skin as they bundled him up in his blanket and permitted me to hold him and lay my first kiss upon his forehead; I still remember as if it was yesterday. It was a happy and sad time of my life. Sad for I knew in this little babies future; like the others; he was going to grow up. You want that for them. To grow as healthy as possible and as strong, so one day they could start the journey of adulthood. When I look at him now and all that he has been going through; I have come to the reality that he doesn’t have a clue what this is all doing to me. I can’t speak for him and his feelings of what is going on for him, but for me I am just at a loss. I do believe it is some other syndrome I am going through; which is pure loneliness. I can’t blame anyone but myself for this, but I can be disappointed in the men I have met and nothing has come out of them for me or even my son, but as one would say..."one monkey doesn't stop the show." I made up my mind long ago that I would give it all I had to raise this young man and even his other siblings. I left my parent’s home by a marriage, had children, had a divorce and yes I have met other men, but I have not ever been alone. I have always had someone with me. This is truly a new chapter in my life and I don’t want it to be painful, but enjoyable. I want to celebrate the work I have done in my past with my parenting and now look forward to what is going to happen in whatever the future has in store for me. I have no idea, but I am putting my feelers out there to get me on a fantastic path. I want to dance, sing, scream or shout joyfully, and most of all praise GOD for giving me the opportunity to do the things I have done and the things he will permit me to continue to do…LIVE. So my dear son...fly...fly high and keep your head to the sky. Fly birdie fly.
GOD is me and I am GOD. You are GOD and GOD is you. We are all the same. God created the heavens and earth..the universe. God created man. So, why some want to separate from each other. We are one. I look in the mirror and see this woman and yes then I see the color of my skin, but I see me first. I am labeled by a name that was given to me by my parents, but when I step out in society and I am labeled by the color of my skin and by the figure of my shape of a woman. Why can't we just see a person. Walking upon this earth; that unfortunately has boundaries. When you look at earth from a distant view; you do not see separations just land masses. We should be able to go to one place to another and not be judged or looked as different. It a shame that we can not look at each other as GOD's children and look from his eyes. I only call him ...him, for I do not think he has a physical form, but that is how we can seem to relate to GOD. Peace to all. Open your eyes and see further that what you see in a person, place, or thing. MOZETTE
Thursday, July 25, 2013
"What you doing laying in that bed? GET UP!! You think this world owes you again thing? What you feeling sorry for yourself? Do you think the world cares? It does and it doesn't. It is a 50/50 chance; a gamble if you want to call it that you will make it in this world, but it is a 100% chance that you can if you put your best foot foreword." When you were a baby in your mother's arms, she put you down, you crawled and then pulled yourself up; possibly from the edging of a coffee table and you showed her signs then and there that YOU wanted to walk. Oh, yeah you fell down a few times, but you got back up. Life is like that. You start and for some reasons it doesn't work they way you thought it would, but with determination and fortitude you got yourself back out in the game...the game of life. It is the same process in life. You try, you fall, but it is up to you to pick yourself back up. There are many organizations out here in the United States (I can't say for other countries...sorry), but you have to look for them or ask about them. They are not going to know you are there or even know that you need there assistance. "So, what you boo hooing about? Get out of that bed, clean up, get dressed, eat something, turn on the computer, use your web browser..Bing or Google or whatever you use and start searching." The town, city, state, or even the country you live in does not want to have to deal with a grown person acting like a baby. Baby are helpless. If you have ANY abilities at all then; use them. If not then go back to school for a degree, or get a certificate at the school for retraining yourself a skill. You be surprised what you have deep inside of you that wants to get out and be a profitable human being. Eventhoughs with our handicaps can be retrained and yes, need more assistance, but it can be done. If you know of someone that feels that their life is not of self worth; then help in assisting them if you know what it will take to get them started. Don't lecture them, don't fuss at them, just have a quiet talk with them, but by all means listen. We are here to help each other. Pass it on...goodness, kindness, care, and most of all love. Show some love to someone today and for the rest of your life. It will come back to you in such a way you will not believe and it will be all good. Now, I am not promising it will be easy, but it will and can happen. You are going to have to retrain your way of thinking. Do not use the words: I can't, it is hard, I am too challenged, I am not smart, or anything in those terms that put you back in that bed. So instead say; I CAN, I WILL, I HAVE IT GOING ON, LET ME PUT THIS IN ACTION, I AM WORTHY. Ones spirit will soar. You will possibly makes leaps and bounds with your life. I wish you all the best, but first....GET UP FROM BED; OH you must have; you're reading this blog. Wish you the best...but do.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
You work as hard as you can to be a "good girl" when you are a daughter to your parents and especially in the eyes of your mother. Here it is your have a woman that had a past and has had three daughters that she raised; not alone, but at that time in the 50's where the woman was in the home. Yes, she was awarded the opportunity to do so; whether it was by chose or forced, but I can still hear her voice when she was raising me. It was more times than not; the voice of disappointment. I recently was speaking with my mother on the phone and she was curious why my son wasn't working this summer. I thought I come through the phone to shout at her, but took a deep breath and informed her that he had tried; not that it was any of her business, but reminded her of his past health that almost took him from me and let her know he couldnt find a job because of his age. Prior week it was mentioned of my own placement in the workforce. I had to remind her again that I was going to school, but she was only interested if it was something for getting a job...not for my fullfillment. I was disppointed, for you can tell then that she never really heard the conversations we had had in the past about why I was going back to college and what area of study I was wanting my degree in, for my own pleasure and my own personal accomplishments. It is like she never ever heard me. Now that was something that was upsetting. All she was interested in was if the classes were to award me a chance to go back to the working force. She didn't even remember that I had worked for many years...literally worked my backside off, was injured, was placed disabled and even went to court; which the judge proclaimed I was able to be in the status of retired and that I needed to take the timeout to heal. My mother forgot all about this. All she wanted to know if I was getting a degree so I could go back to work. I wanted to scream and shout at her, but I didn't. I heard the voice of my belated father, "be a good girl." I wish he was physically there to hear her, for he would had put a stop to it all. I guess that is the only way she is going to see me doing something with my life is being back at work. I have never asked for her help with anything or even money, for I knew what the answer would be..."No". I figure if I was to be grown I take care of myself...that is what grown folk are suppose to do, but have heard that family you should be able to turn to for help if needed. That is not my mother philosphy or she has never let me feel that from her, so I do what I must to keep my life going as comfortable as possible. So taking a deep breath and hearing her on the other end wanting to end the call, for I could tell she knew I was aditated; I just calmly said good-bye and hung up the phone. Instantly after I hung up the phone I felt like that child again that was not pleasing her. Yes, I am her child, but I am a grown woman that has raised three children that are doing positive things in their lives, but still I feel I can never be good enough for her. Let's face it; even then I didnt and still don't "walk on water" now. I am far from perfect and I think that is what my mother wanted and still wants...PERFECTION. I wish she would look in the mirror and asked herself is she perfect or even if she was or is statisfied with her own life. It is not about blame; than it is more an understanding of this daughter. I do the very best I can in life. I have never tried to purposedly interrupt their lifes as I got older, while I was on my own, and even as I was married or raising my children. I snicker now, for this blog particularly is therapy. I want to stop hearing that voice of my childhood from her. I want to block it out. I have and will go forward with my life as I see fit and work harder to not let her get under my skin and maybe one day before one of us leaves this earth; she finally gets it. I can only hope. I thank you for those that read it and it wasn't to air my dirty laundry it was just to cleanse my spirit that is some ways still hurting. The "I" is the me...the writer of this blog. Peace to all. (Hearing the song "SMILE" by Tony Bennett now)...I am smiling
Friday, July 5, 2013
I have been giving thought to this more and more of late. Why do people think or even fathom the thought that outside sources or things should or could make them happy? If you are not happy with yourself or can make yourself happy; you are doing others an injustice to think they are going to make you happy. What it is; that they can be an extension of your happiness, but it is not there responsibility to make you happy. It isn't money, objects (yet it gives you the illusion of happiness), a sweet baby or child (yes they are endearing to look at and to hold), but they can't make you happy. It is something within you. Deep within you that no one can touch. Call it spiritual if you like; no harm done in that. I happen to think it is. Think about this....someone can make you upset, then they are robbing or you are allowing them to kill your joy...your happiness. You have the power within you...to make YOU happy. I consider myself happy. Oh,there are times I am upset, disappointed (too many times to count), disgruntled, or even sad, but all in all happy. For me it is past being happy, but blissful; which is the supreme happiness. That spirit within that no one; not a soul outside of you can touch, reach, or even upset you. It is like a high and not with the usage of a drug to get you there. It is peaceful. It is like I you are floating...nirvana. If you are not happy...work on being Happy. It is there for all of us. From Love to you from MOZETTE