CITY IS WAITING FOR YOU

CITY IS WAITING FOR YOU
From here to there...to San Francisco

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Past, Present, & Future

I have been thinking of late of my past, present, and future for some reason. Is it that some cosmic message is trying to get a message to me, or is it that I am at a loss of something in my life or even a need in my life? Whichever it is; it is haunting me like never before. I have been thinking a lot of a past love that goes by the initials R.B. It happens to be a man in my past when I was just a teenager. It has been over thirty-six years and yet he still haunts my thoughts. Using the word, "haunts", you would think it would be a bad thing, but it isn't. It is just that I thought I had closed that chapter, book, or him in my life, but I gather I haven't. I remember him like it was yesterday. Being that I had married and now have been divorced for so many many years, yet still single; only makes me think can I ever find that feeling again. You know...your first love? Yes, he was my real "first" love. It was back in the late 70's when by chance we met. As I had stated in one of my earlier blogs that there is no such things as accidents; so I guess I shouldn't call it chance. I have to smile with the thought of him now. He stood taller than I, quite slender in built, and had the eyes that made you want to bare all to him. As I was saying; I have been thinking of him. He was in my past, but he still seems to be in my present, but to have him in my future...I can only think what that could be like. They (society) say that, "you can't go back"; I don't think I am. I think it is just that I want to look at him one more time. Some years ago; back in the early 90's I had run across him by chance at my work place. We met up, talked, and I actually think I helped him to get back with his wife that he was currently separated from. Call me a fool, but I am the caring type. I know you could be saying, "you had your chance in having as yours again...right in your grasp...and you let him go." I know, but I could tell whilst he was talking he still cared for her. Was it love? I guess it was. I thought I was doing the unselfish act...doing the right thing. Did I do the right thing? Was that my last chance of happiness? Was that my chance to have him to myself again? Did I totally blow it? I guess I will never know and he will never know why I let him go back in the early 70's. It happens to be all because his mother only saw my skin color and not me. Yes, he was white and I was black, and that is all she saw is her son with a black young lady. I had never experienced prejudice openly before, so it was new to me. I didn't like it one bit. If she only knew that he proposed to me and I said no. She would have had a great daughter-in-law. I loved him dearly....and I still do. I guess when one is frozen in time warp; they can’t see that people and their ideals have change when it came to race and it mixing it with relationships. Did she not know that we were all created by love? That we all have it in us to love? Even being in a diverse city and time; I thought some could see past race or am I the one blinded. That was past, now I am in the present; I can only wonder what the future really has in store for me or am I still stuck in the past? I thank you, whoever you are for reading, but for letting me get that off my chest. Only time will tell! MOZETTE