Thursday, August 5, 2010
To continue the confession; I do know why I had an affair with whilst I was married...I simply wanted to have my husbands attention again like he use to do. Be devoted just to me...be interested in just me, be fantasizing over just me..not the Playboy magazine I one night saw him gawking over and here he had this woman that has had our first son but got her shape back that you couldn't believe I had a baby...but I did...ours. I wanted him to make love to me; not just get his "rocks" off but have me feel passion from him.
Here reading that last line on page 11 of "Eat Pray Love"..."I don't want to be married anymore." I didn't..not to him but not that I wanted to be married to anyone else but I did want to feel...love. Now, true I have just gotten started on the book and I am sure it is going to be..or at least I am hoping it will be not just enjoyable but might even speak out to me...for I think it just might for that one sentence...statement has. The movie doesn't come out till August 13, 2010, here in No. CA so I have to get it done. I end this now for I have to get back to my reading.
Thanks for even reading or taking the time to read.
By the way...he reminded shortly after our divorce that he went through on and I am still single. See I am not going to for what I went for before...I want what I want...a devoted man in love with me and I staying in love with myself.
You are probably wondering do I regret the affair? Well that my readers; isnt easy to answer for I did have a wonderful son, that I do believe was a gift for me to help me stay grounded and possibly still to feel love even if it isnt the love from a man for a woman..but love all the same for this son does have unconditional love. The affair itself...no, I dont regret for I did fall in love with the man but again I fail in a man really loving me. I stilll kep my prayers and hopes.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, and now Jesse James. Is this an epidemic? I think there is a conspiracy out there for all the publication of cheating men. Is this new? No! This has been happening since or the time before the big flood by GOD! I am not on a band wagon to parade around celebrating men cheating but this is not news. Plan and simple ...gossip. Who cares? I guess; millions do for it is everywhere you look in magazines, online, newspapers, and of course tabloids. What I think is funny for they tell of cheating women. Yes, we do it too. Augh, the last I look they were both humans, men and women.
I guess the word monogamous is not apart of their vocabulary or understanding. Actors and actress are in bad spotlight all the time...there are only human too. They make mistakes just like the ordinary everyday person. You do bad; in time you will get caught. "Luke 12:3..."Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops.
I wonder if all this is out there to make us not pay attention to the important things; like, where are country is headed or even the condition of the world. Don't you think that would be more interesting and important? I wonder!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Hi to those that read my blog. I didn't realize I have been away so long; boy how time flies. While I was away I knew there was something totally different about me; I am now excepting I am in my fifties, true you don't know me but I have a name for it...PERI MENOPAUSE. My son I feel for him; he is going through puberty and I am going through THE CHANGE. Pray for us. Lol..I have to laugh for if I don't I will have my laptop full of tears and then it will shut down too. Through it all I am there for him and he is getting step by step plays on how to deal with his mother so he doesn't want to kill me like I wanted to do with my mom.
I was fifteen at the time she was going through it and here my son is fourteen whilst I go through mine. I feel for you son..if you are reading this. I am here for you. I am not going anywhere just trying to get me back on track. My mom, being it what it be; didn't tell me anything about being a girl, lady, growing into a woman...nothing..nada..not a damn thing..so thank you GOD and the education system at that time for being able to read and figure me out. I am still reading about the making of me as female.
Someone tell me why do they have roses, the color pink or puffy white clouds for the packaging or the advertisement for when it is pain, puffiness, anxiety, weight gain, temper tantrums, or even crying spells. Who are they trying to fool? Us? I don't think so..try again. It is more like the deepest red, black, lightening bolts, and thorns on a rose...it is nothing pretty about it..but gosh darn are we beautiful women all the same. I digress.....
Change. One of the definition to this word: To alter; to make different; to cause to pass from one state to another; as, to change position,character or appearance of a thing; to change the countenance.
Women...or even men..read that again. This especially goes out to all those women; my sisters that are going through Peri menopause or Menopause...I hear you...I feel you...GOD; do I feel you. We are going through: THE CHANGE. Doesn't that just sound mechanical and awful like we are metamorphosing. Why cant we just say..Coming of her own! Doesn't that sound more pleasing?
The one thing I pride myself on is that I know my body and when my body is going through a new adventure. That is one thing I want all of you to know....your body and what it is telling you and if it doesn't seem right then by all means do something about it don't let it get the best of you. I have a smile on my face but every now and then a grimace but I am going to get through this as a winner. I refuse for this to beat me up or down.
Thanks for reading or hearing me.